dad

battlefield earth

i was 10. we went to see the shittiest movie imaginable, Battlefield Earth, in theaters. i remember very little about the movie except for leaving, being very happy that it was over — even at 10 i knew the movie was absolute dog shit.

as we were leaving the darkness of the theater, walking out, the light was really bright, started walking towards our car, and there was just that flash of light and then later, i can't remember what happened, but i do know that's when my Dad broke his neck after falling on some faulty construction. it was not labeled, no signs, no caution tape, nothing.

it was after that he was labeled permanently and totally disabled. he didn't let that really stop him from doing anything. he was a bodybuilder most of his life, and despite all the sustained injuries, he was still able to walk, even though he was in chronic pain.

pain followed him around. the only time it didn't was when it snowed. for some reason, the atmospheric pressure, the cold air, whatever conditions led to snow meant that he wouldn't be in pain. so i always have really fond memories of snow when i was younger.

another good thing about snow: no matter how much detritus litters the ghetto, snow washes the look all away. we all get to enjoy its deadly, cool, beauty.

the last four months

when we were leaving to start traveling, right before, he decided to go into the hospital. they thought he was having a hernia or something, he was having crazy bloating. turned out he had some heart issues and he got put in a rehab facility, which is really another way of just saying a nursing home that was woefully underfunded and could not really support him.

you wouldn't tell that when you were talking to him. he had the ability to FaceTime, and i had more conversations with my Dad in the last four months leading up to his death than i did probably in a decade prior. nothing wrong with our relationship, it's just what happens when you get busy.

i was really grateful for the time we had. and it was weird because i feel like when he was in the nursing home, he didn't have to have any responsibilities. he didn't have to worry about my Mom or Sister. he didn't have to do anything. all of his meals were taken care of for him.

in a way, he was able to relax at the end, even if it was a really shitty place to relax.